Who Are The Real Heroes In This World?

     When we think about heroes the list is endless: Batman, Robin, Spiderman, Hulk, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, The Justice League of America, and so on.  How about sports figures: Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Nolan Ryan, Reggie Jackson, Derrick Jeter, etc.  As kids (past and present) our list was endless as to who we wanted to be like, especially if they were a key player in either stopping the bad guys or winning a world championship.  Alas, we are all grown up and yet we will still hold on to these fond memories for time and eternity.  As first responders, we are often viewed as heroes to this world.  This begs the question: Who are the real heroes to the men and women who pin on the badge?

     To me the answer is quite simple: our personal heroes should be the ones who have endured great sacrifice while standing side-by-side with us during what can inevitably be a career wrought with a rollercoaster of emotions-our spouses or significant others.  It is no secret to anyone who has heard me speak about my wife Judy as being my best friend in the whole, wide world.  She really is my true personal hero as she withstood the litmus test of time during my 16 year battle with post-traumatic stress.  A lesser person might have walked away, but not Judy-she stood strong through it all and I love her deeply for her support.  Be that as it may, even our personal heroes have their kryptonite.

Colleen Murphy

     Not everyone may be blessed as I am to have married a woman so strong.  I do not have the latest statistics on divorce rates amongst first responders, but I bet it hovers around 50% (if anyone can correct me-please do so).  I think many of who joined ILFFPS, can concur that we had to learn the hard way because discussions about behavioral health issues was not the norm when we first started.  Therefore, there were very few places that either ourselves or significant others could turn to for help.  Thankfully, someone recognized this need and answered the call: Colleen Murphy.

     Colleen, the wife of an Aurora firefighter, is the Family and Significant Other Program Coordinator for the ILFFPS team.  She is also a mom and hair stylist who recognized a segment population in the first responder world was sorely underserved- that being herself and others just like her.  Colleen lived in this world for 10 plus years before she answered the call.  Even though she got it as a firefighter’s wife, she felt there was still so much to learn and understand about those that go Mach two with their hair on fire all the time.  To better prepare herself, Colleen was a student in Sarah’s Firefighter Psychological Support Therapist class and did very well according to her instructor.  This past January, Colleen and Matt held the first formal significant other class at Alsip which was well-received by all who attended.

 

     If you have never had the opportunity to meet Colleen, I encourage you to do so.  She is both a highly intelligent and intuitive person who is very much tuned into our world.  You can find her contact information on our team website to schedule a presentation for your department.  The significant other class is a few hours well spent for both you and your personal hero (if you view them this way), and they will thank you for it.  Remember, they have their breaking point just like us.  They are the real heroes in this world.   Until next time:

 

Stay safe,

Tim

The Paradox of Peer Support

     A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by a new friend and business mentor Dr. Debra Lindh (Owner of Mindful Effect), to co-host on her new Twitter chat with the moniker #MindfulEffect.  I connected with Deb through another Twitter chat I participate in (#PTSDChat) when she contacted me to learn more about the Illinois Firefighter Peer Support team.  We had an awesome phone conversation where I then accepted the offer to co-host the inaugural chat.  Fellow team member and Peer Coordinator Andy Perry also participated in this chat after he learned about it through a blast email sent by Josh.

     The next day, I sent Andy an email thanking him for participating in the chat to help further educate the masses about behavioral health issues.  Andy wrote back and said that the healing effect of helping (peer supporting) fellow firefighters is in and of itself a paradox.  Andy, not only is this a paradox, but also a very cathartic (cleansing) experience as well.  I said this once before: the more you tell your story, the easier it becomes.  Tom Howard has recently answered this call to action.

     In my personal experience as a peer supporter, I have seen and heard the relief (in the eyes and voices) of a brother or sister in need when they realize that someone else out there just like them, has felt the same raw emotions of this career.  Today (9/3/15), I was bestowed another God-given opportunity to cleanse the echoes of my mind when I participated (along with several other members of the team) in the filming of a video about our group.  I was asked to tell my story, how I am healing, and what involvement in ILFFPS means to me.  I held it together up until the very end when I talked about my best friend in the whole, wide, world: my wife Judy who rode the rollercoaster of PTSD emotions with me for over 16 years.  A lesser person would have walked away from this, yet she did not.  My love for her grows stronger with each passing day as I am still in awe of her courage to face this head on.

 

     The paradox that Andy spoke can be simply stated as this: we are given the gift to help others in need and at the same time, heal from our own wounds.  How great is that!!!  My new friend Dr. Deb, in a recent tweet, captured the essence and mission of what ILFFPS is all about and I quote: “Peer to peer support provides mentoring & positive role models on the journey of healing & recovery.”  I leave you with the latest installment from the Zac Brown Band that eloquently states the key ingredient needed for both the success of our team, and personal growth as individuals.  Enjoy.

Stay safe and be well,

Tim

 

Great News?

     In this latest of a continuing series of blog posts, Tom Howard shares the results of his angiogram.  While he should be elated by the good news, Tom still has doubts and wonders what is truly going on with him from both a physical and professional standpoint.

Great news?

angiogram

     So I survived my angiogram.  I know that it’s a big deal to think about how they take a camera and look at your arteries from the inside but I really felt as though it was no different than going to the dentist.  Kind of weird but really it is what they do all day.  So now I know I have no blockages around my heart.  Great news, right?  Well yes it is but at the same time it leaves me wondering what is going on.  I had felt this tightness on three different occasions, I know something isn’t right and now I am right where I started, not knowing.

     What I am now experiencing is that most everyone, hearing that I had no blockages want to do a high five and move on.  Problem is I am still standing here feeling broken and not knowing why. I don’t want a high five, I want answers!  I want to be fixed and I want to be at the firehouse working my shift. 

     As I wait for my next appointment I find my thoughts drifting to that place, making lists of the things that maybe I shouldn’t or can’t do anymore.  I like being outdoors, being physically active.  Will I be able to continue to do the things I love?  Part of the problem is that they cannot duplicate the stress if firefighting to see what’s happening with my chest.

    I found that to be telling in itself.  I know our job is hard but the stress level is so great the doctors cannot duplicate the same levels.  What we, as fireman, sign up for is to be prepared to stretch our limits and push ourselves beyond measurable stress.  When you stop and think about it you might think, why.   

     I have of course already received a call from the work-comp adjuster to get my statement about what happened.  He began by asking me to describe my work duties.  Really, how long do you have?  When I told him we drove to the scene he asked if I was alone.  I wasn’t sure how to reply.  The fireman in me wanted to hammer him with an overly sarcastic remark, while at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder if this guy was messing with me.

     Once we got around to the angiogram and the fact that it showed no blockages his response was, “Well maybe you were just dehydrated or something.”  I’m sorry doctor, I didn’t catch your name, oh right, my bad, you’re not a doctor. My mistake.  This just exemplifies the fact that most people outside the fire service just have no comprehension of what we do, what we put ourselves through both mentally and physically.     

     I remember a few years ago meeting with a back doctor about my ongoing back pain.  He took a quick look at my x-ray and MRI and told me I had the back of a 65 y.o. man.  Too many years of jumping up in the middle of the night, carrying people down stairs, and the list goes on. Whatever is going on with me right now I can’t help but wonder, how many years I have lost because of my chosen profession. 

     I have to clarify though, while one hand I wonder how many years I have lost, at the same time I would never have chosen a different path.  I know that each of us is given certain gifts, we have been made wonderfully by the Lord.  This is where He wanted me.  I feel blessed that I have been able to serve so many over the years.

     Still there is that nagging question that won’t go away.  How many years I have lost?  I want to see grandkids graduate. (If and when I have them) I have an amazing wife and I want to spend time together enjoying life.  The deeper question that is lurking in my brain is assuming they figure out what’s going on and I get released for duty, how much longer do I want to do this?

     This experience has really opened my eyes to understanding that I really am finite.  I have had a beginning and I will have an ending.  I am not old by the world standards but just like dog years it would seem that I am old in fire house years.  In the mean time I will wait.  I will hold off on the high fives and rest in the Lords grace.